The clock shows 4 a.m. You are wide awake trying to count sheep and count down the hours until the alarm goes off. Nothing is on your mind, but your bedroom feng shui is completely off the rails. But the problem is not the temperature of the room or a thunderstorm keeping you awake: the problem is the person sleeping soundly next to you.
One Utah couple credited their separate bedrooms for a healthy sex life after eight years of marriage. He’s a night owl, while she prefers to wake up earlier, so they both enjoy their own space at night. It’s turned out to be a satisfying arrangement.
“Let’s face it — lack of energy is a far greater threat to an active sex life than lack of opportunity. And we are better rested,” Daryl Austin of Orem, Utah, wrote in a Los Angeles Times column in 2018.
“We also get a chance to miss each other … nights apart are the only time we actually get to feel a longing for the other person. That longing results in a happy reunion every morning, a sort of ‘fresh start’ button we push at the dawn of every day.”
For other couples, sleeping apart is a serious matter of getting a good night’s rest.
Erica Scoville of Richland, Washington, says her husband Mike’s body heat and snoring kept her from getting the sleep she needed, which meant “bedtime was a potential war zone.” Retiring to separate bedrooms at night was the solution for the couple, who are in their 40s.
“It’s important for people to remember that sleeping together doesn’t always save a marriage any more than sleeping apart ruins a marriage,” Scoville said. “It’s sleep, and sleep is really important to everyone. But even more important than that is loving each other enough to try something that makes life a bit easier for your partner.”
A lot of reasons can cause the need for a bedroom divorce including snoring, sleep talking, sleepwalking, bad hygiene, or tossing and turning. With each disturbance, marital strain can occur causing arguments or sexual frustrations.
By divorcing society’s norm of a couple sharing a bedroom and bed, a restful night’s sleep is in both partner’s futures sustaining a healthy relationship. It doesn’t mean divorcing the idea of love, intimacy, or sexual relations, it is simply removing the issue that may cause moodiness or anger due to a lack of sleep.
The Better Sleep Council supports the idea of the bedroom divorce statistically showing 1 in 4 couples sleep better at night in separate bedrooms. In a market research poll for Slumber Cloud, 46 percent of the 2,000 Americans polled wish they could sleep in another room from their partner. Here are some common reasons to talk about a sleep divorce with your partner or spouse.
Alaska Sleep Clinic is ready to help save you from a sleep divorce. We are here to improve your sleep hygiene through education or improve your sleep apnea with CPAP. We do it all. Call us today to speak with a board-certified sleep specialst.
